Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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