my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
