There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
