I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
