even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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