hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
