babies were throwing up all over the place
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
