How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
