Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
