I can't watch pbs sober anymore
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
