Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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