I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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