I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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