My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
