I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
