I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
