Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
