Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I cannot find my penis.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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