If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
