how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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