I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
