dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
