Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
