38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
