We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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