um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
