Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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