Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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