you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
