she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
