do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
