Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
