Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize