I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we made out on top of his cat.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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