He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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