the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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