i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What drink are we having for lunch?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
