chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
