Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
