Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
