The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
