tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
