so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
