apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
