I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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