Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize