I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
