Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
this beer tastes like vomit already
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize