How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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