areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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