I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
