***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
