dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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