Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
