I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
