Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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