So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can you bring me the toilet please
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
