On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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