I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
