It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
