brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
