If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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