Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
